Who likes antiquated gender stereotypes? Moviefone does! Staff writer Jessie Heyman thought it would be a good idea to post a horribly condescending article that reads like it’s from 1972.

As your boyfriend probably told you, “The Avengers” is hitting theaters this Friday. And you, dutiful girlfriend, are attending. But you hate action movies and you’ve never even read a comic book. (Of course, that’s not a slight against the girls who actually do read comic books — i.e. real fans, actual people with varied interests — but for this, let’s just go with the stock view of ladies, ladies!)

Still, there’s no need to fret. Beyond the fact that Joss Whedon’s action film is Awesome (note the capital A), we’ve created a streamlined girl’s guide to ward off any confusion or mid-movie what’s-going-on whisperings.

Including cocktail introductions a la “Bridget Jones’s Diary” and boyfriend impressing tidbits, below is everything you need to know about “The Avengers.”

They’re now hiding behind a hastily thrown up “satire” shield in a later edit, but we all know this was a terribly written, horribly executed article. This piece was so awful I’m not even going to link to it and inadvertently give them traffic. You can find it yourself if you want your eyes to bleed or if you want a trigger to Hulk out.

Now, I’m not a woman, but I imagine most women would object to sticking with the “stock view of ladies.” I imagine many would object to the contrived list of things to say to your manly action loving significant others while watching the movie. I imagine most women are going to object to this frakking awful article as a whole.

The truly hilarious thing is that this just perpetuates the tired and sexist stereotype that comics are for guys  and that women should stay out of that domain. Hell to that. Most of my Marvel-savvy friends are women, one of which introduced me to the world of comics. She’s one of the most passionate, genre savvy fans you will ever find.

So shame on you Moviefone. You’ve got some apologies to dish out.