Look, folks. The honeymoon is over. You are just not allowed to unabashedly enjoy The Force Awakens anymore. Oh no. Now you must analyze it to death and write your super hot takes about how it’s not really that great after all and title it with super clickbait-y titles. For bonus points, you can point out several dozen plot holes that are easily explained if you actually watched the film. If you didn’t like the film, that’s fine. You’re entitled to your (wrong) opinion. Different people like different things.
That said, some of these reviews and think pieces have already gotten a little… stale. In order to maintain your sanity and to stay entertained, I present to you… The Force Awakens Review/Think Piece Drinking Game.
Disclaimer: Tosche Station takes no responsibility for what happens to your liver after this.
- Take a sip every time wookiee, Jedi, stormtrooper, or Lucasfilm is misspelled
- Take a sip for every cheap shot at the Prequel Trilogy. (We’d tell you to take a shot but then you’d die)
- Take a sip for every reference to how someone involved in making Star Wars supposedly hated it
- Take a sip for every Jar Jar Binks crack
- Take a sip for ever JJ Abrams lens flare joke
- Take another sip for every time a snarky reference is made to JJ’s work on Star Trek
- Take a sip for every snide George Lucas reference
- Smirk and take a sip every time someone alludes to how totally Space Gay Poe and Finn are
- Take a shot every time someone refers to Finn as a space janitor
- Take a shot every time a snide remark is made about Carrie, Mark, or Harrison’s ages or looks
- Take a shot for every article where it’s clear the writer didn’t actually pay attention to the film
- Take a shot for every article where the writer doesn’t understand the difference between a plot hole and something being left deliberately open-ended (Suggested by Matt)
- Take a shot for every article that claims critics are being too easy on the film
- Take a shot for any article that spoils the film without giving a spoiler warning
- Take a shot for any oh so cleverly disguised racist or sexist comment
- Take a shot if the whole Legends thing gets mentioned. Take two if they refer to it as the “Extended Universe”
- Drink two shots every time someone goes on about how The Force Awakens is just an A New Hope remake
- Finish your drink every time Rey is referred to as Mary Sue
Have any suggestions for what else is drink worthy? Let us know in the comments and we just might add it in!
Look. Do you know what’s not okay? That cover to the right by Mark Brooks because MY HEART STARTED POUNDING WHEN I THOUGHT THAT JUST MAY HK-47 WAS BACK BUT NOOOOOO IT’S JUST SOME OTHER RANDOM DROID. *breathes*
Ever since the first trailer dropped back in November 2014, certain factions of Star Wars fans have been quite insistent with their thoughts on precisely who can and cannot be stormtroopers and even who could even be in the various militaries that we have seen.
Before the Awakening is a successor to the young reader Journey to the Force Awakens trilogy of books. Illustrated by Phil Noto (who also illustrated The Weapon of a Jedi, Moving Target, and Smuggler’s Run) and written by Greg Rucka (who also wrote Smuggler’s Run and Shattered Empire), the novel explains what Finn, Rey, and Poe were up to prior to the events of The Force Awakens. It’s divided into three sections, one for each character, and elaborates on their backstories and provides some insight into where each of them are at the start of the film.
12:50 AM: You arrive at the theatre, armed with your supplies for the day.
